Your Beauty….

I was a wanderer
I was like a snow flake
I had no goal
I had no break
One day, I saw a fairy
Innocent, delicate, passionate
Her beauty, affection, love
could not be contrary
She made me mad
She mad me crazy
Her love moved my life
And my heart was feeling as light as daisy
I used to see her along the lakeside
She always had a new charm and beauty
I made my mind to spend my whole life
Under the shade of her glowing beauty
One day I went to her
and praised her bright twinkling almond eyes
She not looked at me and smiled
Then asked me to lend her someone’s eyes

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==================sad love stories ==================

I am eighteen years old and live in Ankara, Turkey. I moved to Turkey from America when I was sixteen. Making friends was hard in my town. ‘The new “American girl” thinks she’s all that’ is all they said.Even though everyone would say or do things to make me miserable, I sometimes let it go.The girls in my class had jealousy problems. Every time a cute boy would talk to me or want to make a date to hang out, they would take him away in mid sentence and begin to flirt with him.
One day the girls were being very nice to me, weird.So I talked to them a bit. It’s about time they come to their senses. They asked me to go to the park with them after school, so I said, “Sure why not.”We went to the park laughing and talking. After about ten minutes they told me they will be right back. They were going to the coffee house. “We’ll get you some apple tea.” I was a little dumbfounded, but I said okay ill wait. Ten minutes passes, then 20 minutes, then 35, to 45 minutes. I finally figured they ditched me. I was not surprised. It began to be a little chilly. I realized I did not know my way home. I got lost. I asked around. I sat next to a bus stop and a stray dog with a Turkish doll in his mouth came by me. There are many stray dogs and cats in turkey. I started to talk to the stray. Then I fell asleep. I woke up by a loud voice.
He told me to come with him. I tried to understand what he was saying, but his English was very weak.We came to a huge house, a mansion. I just wanted to go home. I asked the man where my town is. He said it was hours away now.I was very scared. The man was very handsome as all Turkish men are.I had no idea what he wanted me for. We entered the mansion. It still had some walls from the Romans 3,000 years ago. I notice a pool house with the dome on top.
“What’s your name?”“Nihal Saat.”They put me in a room. Then the man came back and said, “You have to work.”They wanted workers. I did not want to work. I tried everything. They put me in the garden, I messed the flowers and landscape up. They put me in the kitchen, the first 10 minutes I broke four $5,000 plates. They put me on cleaning duty, I said no. I can tell they were a little annoyed of me, but I did not care.So they told me to sit in the living room until they get something for me to do. While I was waiting, I saw a very handsome man.
I asked the maid that was dusting who he was. She said his name was Behlül Haznedar and he owns this house. I told the maid his eyes were gorgeous. She said that he was wanted by every girl in the country but he did not like the fakeness in their eyes. All the girls wanted was money and a man to show off.I asked her how everyone knows who he is when I do not. She replied, “I am actually surprised that you do not know him. He is a well known man.”The Guard man that took me came after a while and said that he will give me work later and to freshen up. He gave me a room, one outfit, and other needs.The man told me in ten minutes he will pick me up to go down to the hairdresser and nail salon.
I straightened my hair and painted my nails a peachy pink color.I go back to the house and I was told to get dressed. After one hour, they called me down to eat dinner with them. I’m still lost in this whole situation. Why am I here?I go down to dinner. They sat me down by Behlül. The whole dinner, Behlül would glance up at me. I was still in love with his gorgeous eyes, and his animated smile. At the end of dinner, Behlül got up. I was getting out of my chair and I noticed that he pulled my chair out for me. I blushed a little but hid my face. It’s been a while since a gentleman has done something sweet to me.I turned around and looked into his eyes, and he says, “You too have beautiful eyes.”
He stared at me for a second and then told his guard man to start the car. Behlül left.I guess word spreads quickly in this house.I was falling in love more and more, but it’s not deep yet.The guard man took me to the room and I asked him what chore you want me to do now. He said to go wash the dog.It was a puppy, a boy. His name is Eli. I shampooed and conditioned him. This task was not so bad. Eli was so gentle and sweet.
I started to talk to him. “Why am I here Eli? Why are girls so cruel?” I sighed, “I miss my aunt… do you miss your mom?” he barked. “Oh Eli, I think I have a little crush on someone. He’s different from others.” Elias sat in my lap and lay down. My hair was a mess.I was lying on the floor and Elias fell asleep on my stomach. I bored him I guess. After five minutes, I also fell asleep on the floor cuddled with Eli.Someone woke me up. It took me a second to realize where I was. I looked up and I see Behlül laughing at me. Elias jumped off and ran.”I see you have taken a nap…. on the floor… with my puppy.”
He laughed.I laughed a little. He put his hand out for me to help me get up. I slipped and he caught me in his arms. “You’re a clumsy one aren’t you?”"I’m known to be the clumsy one in America. People are constantly asking if I’m alright.”"Does anyone laugh?”"In America, no. In Turkey, just a few girls, but I don’t care.”"I can take care of that for you if you’d like. I have that power.”I laughed. “No its okay. They’re not worth it.”"As you like.”He’s amazing. His chuckle makes my heart melt.”Well I’m going to go to my room and take a shower.” I told him.I walked passed him to my room.
I was suddenly happy they needed someone to work in the house. Its fate (or destiny. idk Mrs. Gall, use any word). After the shower, I lay down and took a nap for 20 minutes. I was awaken by a knock, but ignored it. Then the door opened and THE GUARD woke me up. “Get dressed, you’ve got half an hour. You’re going downtown with Behlül. He likes you and wants to buy you things for your stay here.”"Has he said anything?”"No, but he shows it when he’s sleeping. Sleep talking, hugging his pillow… ‘Oh you’re so beautiful Nihal.’ and all that.” I laughed with a little surprise on my face.
“That’s hilarious”"You like him, your blushing too. Well alright then, you’ve got 20 minutes.”He closed the door behind him, and I found an outfit hanging on my door, he must have hung it while I was sleeping.I got dressed and sat down on the bed. I began to think… what is going on. How could this be? I love it though…I miss my aunt… I want to contact her. Wait! I can. I’ll ask to use Behlül’s phone.”Nihal are you ready.” the maid called and then she walks in after she knocked.”Yes, I’m ready.”"Ok well Behlül is waiting in his car for you. Go on.”"Wait… why am I really here?”"Oh darling…well… you know that mean guard, he’s Behlül’s godfather. He looks after Behlül now.


Behlül never fell in love.He struggled with that area. Every girl he meets just doesn’t give spark in his life. So one day, while his godfather was walking he saw you. He thought you were perfect. It was something about you that he just knew Behlül would love. We always knew that Behlül wanted a strong girl, one who knows how to say ‘no’. So, his godfather put you to the test.”"What test?”"He put you to work and see how you would react.
Half the things we asked you to do, you refused.”"So I failed…”"No! You passed. Why should anyone be treated like that and accept it? And you complimenting his eyes…and to make it for sure, we sat you down by Behlül during dinner, and we noticed you two… Indeed it was love.”I just stared at the ground, smiling.”Well go on now; we’ve kept him waiting long enough.”"Is he mad?”"He would wait centuries for you.”Oh man I love this story Mrs. Gall…. just wish it wasn’t this long.
Oh and I did turkey b/c everyone on my tour bus said it’s a good idea since I’m around this culture. As I walk out the door, Behlül gets out of his car, and runs toward me.”Ready?”"Yeah.”He just stares and then walks me to the car. He opens the passenger door for me and closes it after I get in.It was a very nice car.Before we drove off, I asked him if I can call my aunt to let her know I’m fine.”Store her in my phone and I will let you call her tonight.”"Ok, that’s fine.”"You’re fine. =)”
(hahahaa, that was funny right?)As we were walking along the streets going store to store, Behlül went into one store and I seen a makeup store like the one in America. I ran to it. I looked and picked out some things. How I missed this store!I walked out, and some guy tried selling me a scarf. He looked about 18-19 years old. I told him no thank you. “No, please, you are a beautiful girl. Come on in.”“I have many, no thank you.”As I walked away, he grabbed my arm.
“You have many shopping bags in your hand, just add one more.”I didn’t know what to do. “Let go!”I hear Behlül. “Nihal! Where are you?”I see Behlül run towards me. The scarf seller guy lets go of my arm and says, “I’m sorry, I thought she was alone.”“And if she were alone, tell me what you would have done!!”“I assure you, nothing.”“If you ever touch her again…”Behlül punched him and the man fell on his shelves of scarves.”Behlül and I walk away. “Are you okay?”I nodded.
He didn’t say anything for the rest of the shopping. After all the shopping, I looked in the backseat, I seen over 35 bags… I thought that was strange. “Wow, I didn’t realize how much I wanted.”"Only for you. And I kinda pre-shopped for you. Couldn’t help myself.”"I hope you know my taste, I’m really picky.”"I had one of my people watch you and see what you like, after they have done that, they will know what your style is. They’re professional. I am also picky, so I know what it feels like to get something you do not like.”"Wow, that’s great… Behlül, why are you giving me all this?”"Well… I want you to stay with us. I really like you.””Things just happen so quickly.”"But I love the results.
“We stare at each other for a while until someone told us to hurry and get out of the parking spot. We laughed a little and got into the car.On the way home I fell asleep. It was a long day. I woke up when I was on the way to the door. I looked up and seen the night sky and Behlül’s face. I closed my eyes and let him carry me to the room. He laid me on my bed and kissed me goodnight on the forehead and closed the door behind him. The next morning, I felt so lively. I felt good. I wanted to get up. I did my morning routine and went down to make myself breakfast.While I was eating, I realized I forgot to call my aunt.
I lay down on the couch and watched some TV. I woke up too early and everyone was still asleep.Then I hear Behlül’s voice from far away. I look up. He sees me and says, “Good morning beautiful, your aunt is on the phone. I was going to surprise you and let her wake you up with the phone on your ear. Here, go on, talk to her.”I take the phone. “Hello?”"Nihal, oh my god Nihal where have you been. Oh my god I’ve been worried sick!””Auntie! I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I–”"It’s okay, your friend explained.
And I am so grateful of how they took care of you. As long as you’re fine, I’m fine.”I gave Behlül a look to go away, so then he like went…away.”Listen Nihal, I would come get you, but you know how my work is unpredictable. I need to fly to London tonight. I haven’t even packed because I wasn’t going anywhere until I found you. But it’s important, and now that I know your okay, I can go.”"When will you be back?”“Four months.” “What?!”"I know… but don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You’re around caring people. I can tell by the sound of that young man’s voice. And it sounds like he loves you, aunt’s intuition.”"Yeah he’s cool.”"He’s cute right.”“Yeah. You might know who he is.
They say everyone does. He’s famous and stuff.”"What’s his name?”“Behlül Haznedar.””Wow, girls will hate you, but God sure does love you.” My aunt said. “Okay I got to go sweetie. I miss you and love you. Take care”"Love you.”I hung up the phone and Behlül walked in. “your aunt, she really cares about you. I thought she was your mom at first.”"She’s like my mom; she raised me since I was 10 years old.”I can tell he wants to know what happened to my parents but does not want to ask. I don’t even want him to ask. I don’t like remembering.I can’t believe I’m retyping this whole essay!!!!! I hate my life. The part after this erased. –Three months later.
Behlül and I are doing great. We are together now. And tonight there’s some kind of ball room party in a hotel.— It’s time to get ready. I’m in my room putting on the red dress for the party. My hair and makeup is done and we have to leave in 10 minutes.“Do you need any help Nihal?” the maid asked through the door.“Yes, please come in.”She zips my dress and stands back. “You look gorgeous.”“Thank you. Behlül wanted me to wear this. He bought it.”“Yes I know. I helped him pick it out. It’s a special night tonight.”“Really, I thought it was just a party.
”“Yes, but you will see.” I go down and Behlül is waiting for me down the steps.“Wow! I’m so good at picking dresses out.”“Yes you are.”“But you make the dress look much, much better.”The guard then says, “come on kids, you will be late.”We go out to the car, and the driver takes us. We get there and Behlül and I enter. People stare at me and then at us. “Wow, we’re hot.”“I know…” I say.“No one could wait to see who my girl is.”The party is nice. We ate dinner, danced a little. Then a slow song comes on so Behlül and I go dance. We are in the middle. We are doing well and people circle around us. Behlül twirls me and when I turn back around.
I see him kneeling down on one knee.“Nihal, I love you, will you—““Yes! More than anything.”He put the ring on me, gets up and hugs and spins me. Everyone is clapping.I’m tearing up a little. Behlül wipes my tears and kisses my cheek. I am smiling so wide, I cannot relax my face.

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When we self-diagnose, we look for control factors. Sometimes we invent them. The goal of solipsistic anxiety is to find an individual agent that explains our misery. We eliminate possibilities one-by-one in hopes that a single cause remains. This is how people deduce food allergies and come to workable morning routines (no to coffee, yes to tea; don’t transfer trains, walk the extra eight blocks instead). It’s frustrating when changes in lifestyle are not singular but rather come in waves, making it harder to identify and explain away the sole source of pain. We prefer that our personal problems not be overdetermined.

In the past year, I graduated from college, got a desk job, and bought an iPhone: the three vertices of the Bermuda Triangle into which my ability to think in the ways that matter most to me has disappeared. My mental landscape is now so altered that its very appearance must be different than it was at this time last year. I imagine my brain as a newly wretched terrain, littered with gaping chasms (What’s my social security number, again?), expansive lacunae (For the thousandth time, the difference between “synecdoche” and “metonymy,” please?), and recently formed fissures (How the fuck do you spell “Gyllenhaal?”). This is your brain on technology.

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I have the sensation, as do my friends, that to function as a proficient human, you must both “keep up” with the internet and pursue more serious, analog interests. I blog about real life; I talk about the internet. It’s so exhausting to exist on both registers, especially while holding down a job. It feels like tedious work to be merely conversationally competent. I make myself schedules, breaking down my commute to its most elemental parts and assigning each leg of my journey something different to absorb: podcast, Instapaper article, real novel of real worth, real magazine of dubious worth. I’m pretty tired by the time I get to work at 9 AM.

In-person communication feels binary to me now: subjects are either private, confessional, and soulful or frantically current, determined mostly by critical mass, interesting only in their ephemeral status. Increasingly these modes of talk seem mutually exclusive. You can pull someone aside—away from the party, onto the fire escape—and confess to a foible or you can stay inside with the group and make a joke about something everyone’s read online. “Maybe you keep the wrong company,” my mother suggests. Maybe. But I like my friends! We can sympathize with each other and feel reassured that we’re not alone in our overeager consumption, denigrated self-control, and anxiety masked as ambition. 

Part of the difficulty is that the pace of online narratives (Tumblr posts, Jezebel comment fights, truffle-whatever) resembles that of tabloids or all-or-nothing friends. Maintaining interest in any of them demands constant devotion and attention. Tabloids are only interesting as long as you’re always reading them; let your checkout-line-skimming lapse for a week and the thought of celebrity gossip seems pointless. Same with all-or-nothing friends: they’re only compelling if you talk to them all the time; when the chatty, daily interactions end so does the prospect of an interesting expository conversation. Without consistency, a long phone call seems not only daunting but also profoundly dull.
This anxiety is about more than failing to keep up with a serialized source, though. It’s also about the primitive pleasure of constant and arbitrary stimulation. That’s why the Facebook newsfeed is no longer shown chronologically. Refresh Facebook ten times and the status updates rearrange themselves in nonsensical, anachronistic patterns. You don’t refresh Facebook to follow a narrative, you refresh to register a change—not to read but to see.

And it’s losing track of this distinction—between reading and seeing—that’s so shameful. It’s like being demoted from the category of thinking, caring human to a sort of rat that doesn’t know why he needs to tap that button, just that he does. I deleted Twitter and Tumblr off my phone about a month ago. For a few weeks, I felt empowered, proactive, “refreshed.” But addicts are sneaky! Soon I was circumnavigating my own artificial restrictions, checking via Safari.

How did this happen to me? Was it graduating, the sudden alleviation of the pressure to read critically, think dialectically, and write rigorously? Is it the desk job, the nine static hours each day during which I’m “allowed” to be on the internet? Is it the iPhone, that little monster in my pocket “pushing” me an uninterrupted stream of distractions? I’m reluctant to admit the obvious: that the factors are of course conspiring, that the major and bad thing that has happened in the past year is, in fact, the result of multiple developments, of a constellation of circumstances.

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“Dense with panic and media”—that’s how Gary Shteyngart describes the technologized air of future-America in his third novel, Super Sad True Love Story. Fragmented and partially epistolary, Super Sad True Love Story presents us with excerpts from its protagonist Lenny’s first-person diary. Along with his library (the smell of old books is repulsive to future noses), the diary is meant as an objective correlative to his personal antiquity. Its traditionally narrated (and correctly punctuated!) passages are interspersed with text from GlobalTeens, a monopolizing social network. “GLOBAL TEENS SUPER HINT: Switch to Images today! Less work = more fun!!! GLOBAL TEENS SUPER HINT: Harvard Fashion School studies show excessive typing makes wrists large and unattractive. Be GlobalTeen forever—switch to Images today!”

The love story of the novel’s title is superlatively tragic. Lenny is 39 years old (like Shteyngart himself, a fact the New Yorker’s “20 Under 40” list won’t let us forget) and works for a company that sells life extension to HNWIs (High Net-Worth Individuals). Obsessed with his own decay and the entropic political climate he occupies, Lenny falls in love with Eunice Park, a young Korean-American woman just out of college with a degree in Images and Assertiveness. Their intimacy is aching and codependent and familial and relatively unmediated. In the movie version, the two are played by Woody Allen and Soon Yi circa 1992.

Lenny falls in love with Eunice’s newness and cleanliness, and the cognitive dissonance between her maternal instincts and childish desperation. Eunice falls for Lenny’s tweedy nebbishness, his corporality, his willingness and ability to have her absolutely. For only in Lenny do we get a character attuned to the unstreamed world. Like the extreme disparity between inner and outer beauty that so often stumps the moral compasses of fairytale heroines, Lenny’s low “fuckability” (baldness, hairiness, shortness) is dissolved not only by his seemingly inexhaustible capacity to love but also by the careful and, in his world, rare attention he pays to what it feels like to be alive.

On getting drunk: “But by the end of said night I remembered very little. Let’s just say that I drank. Drank out of fear (she was so cruel). Drank out of happiness (she was so beautiful). Drank until my whole mouth and teeth had turned a dark ruby red and the pungency of my breath and perspiration betrayed my passing years.”

On his parents’ house: “The floor beneath my feet was clean, immigrant clean, clean enough so that you understood that somebody had done their best.”

On his lover’s despair: “Eunice exhale[d] in such a sad, hurt, elongated, final way, it made me wonder if she would ever be capable of replacing that breath.”

On spicy food: “I closed my eyes and let the lining of my mouth turn into pure heat.”

Such instances of specificity are on every page of Super Sad True Love Story. To articulate this register of existence, one so subtle that it usually exists only as preamble to thought, is what good writing is supposed to do. It’s also supposedly what a social media profile does. The success of both is contingent upon loaded detail: how efficiently can you render a character fully and richly? How can you most tastefully curate your reveals? How to stream a self both believably realistic and seductively aspirational?

Only in a sort of extra-textual reading can we get a sense of Shteyngart’s hopefulness. It’s a radical and ultimately optimistic project to write a dystopian novel about the super sad future of an acronymed-America, an America whose currency is pegged to the Chinese yuan, an America in which all citizens carry äppäräti, mobile devices that stream all of their statistics (depression levels, cholesterol, income, address, spontaneous opinions). It’s a corrective to write speculative—but more or less inevitable—fiction about a world in which people don’t read. Like all great science fiction writers, Shteyngart deals in absurdist teleology, taking what is farcical about the present day to its logical extreme. Everyone in this world is ranked within categories: “personality,” “fuckability, “anal/oral/vaginal preference,” “male hotness.” Often, Lenny scores within the lowest of these percentiles. The premise is super funny but also super true. What else are we doing on the internet if not asserting our rank?

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In an essay in the New York Times Book Review, Shteyngart makes literal the pervasive disquiet that organizes his novel. Published mid-summer, “Only Disconnect” laments all the ways in which the internet imposes on his thinking. He seems to have woefully accepted the words of the “20-something Apple Store glam-nerd” who sold him his iPhone: “This right here . . .  is the most important purchase you will ever make in your life.” The essay serves as a supplementary text to Super Sad True Love Story, one that makes explicit just how much Shteyngart is actually writing about the present. “With each post, each tap of the screen, each drag and click,” he confesses, “I am becoming a different person—solitary where I was once gregarious; a content provider where I at least once imagined myself an artist; nervous and constantly updated where I once knew the world through sleepy, half-shut eyes . . . With each passing year, scientists estimate that I lose between 6 and 8 percent of my personality.” 

Sometimes I can almost visualize parts of myself, the ones I’m most proud of, atrophying. I wish I had an app to monitor it! I notice that my thoughts are homeopathic, that they mirror content I wish I weren’t reading. I catch myself performing hideous, futuristic gestures, like that “hilarious” moment three seconds into an intimate embrace in which I realize I’m literally rubbing my iPhone screen across his spine. Almost every day at 6 PM my Google Alert tells me that an “Alice Gregory” has died. It’s a pretty outdated name, and most of these obituaries, from family newsletters and local papers, are for octogenarians. I know I’m being tidy-minded even to feel a pang from this metaphor, but still . . .

It’s hard not to think “death drive” every time I go on the internet. Opening Safari is an actively destructive decision. I am asking that consciousness be taken away from me. Like the lost time between leaving a party drunk and materializing somehow at your front door, the internet robs you of a day you can visit recursively or even remember. You really want to know what it is about 20-somethings? It’s this: we live longer now. But we also live less. It sounds hyperbolic, it sounds morbid, it sounds dramatic, but in choosing the internet I am choosing not to be a certain sort of alive. Days seem over before they even begin, and I have nothing to show for myself other than the anxious feeling that I now know just enough to engage in conversations I don’t care about.

The internet’s most ruinous effect on literacy may not be the obliteration of long-format journalism or drops in hardcover sales; it may be the destruction of the belief that books can be talked and written about endlessly. There are fewer official reviews of novels lately, but there are infinitely more pithily captioned links on Facebook, reader-response posts on Tumblr, punny jokes on Twitter. How depressing, to have a book you just read and loved feel so suddenly passé, to feel—almost immediately—as though you no longer have any claim to your own ideas about it. I started writing this piece when the book came out at the end of July, and I started unwriting it almost immediately thereafter. Zeno’s Paradox 2.0: delete your sentences as you read their approximations elsewhere. How will future fiction work? Will details coalesce into aphorism? I wonder if instead of scribbling down in my notebook all the familiar aspects of girls I see on the street, as I used to, I’ll continue doing what I do now: snapping a picture and captioning it, in the words of Shteyngart, “so media.”

The temptation to blame unprecedented worries and bad memory and addled attention on technology is nothing new; it’s at least as old as The Phaedrus. Is Google Making Us Stupid? Duh! But not only that: the internet is also making us troublingly self-sufficient. It’s sublimating our personalized antidotes to loneliness. Lenny describes a couple he knows as being “together for the obvious and timeless reason: It was slightly less painful than being alone.” To be on the internet is to never be alone. I haven’t succumbed to amorphous feelings of isolation since sophomore year of college. For years now, this has been a pillar of my dignity, a tenant of my self-respect. Sophomore year of college was the last time I remember attending a party I didn’t want to go to in spite of myself, the last time I remember choosing people I didn’t really like over solitude. How dumb of me to think that I don’t do this online every day now.

Shteyngart says the first thing that happened when he bought an iPhone “was that New York fell away . . . It disappeared. Poof.” That’s the first thing I noticed too: the city disappeared, along with any will to experience. New York, so densely populated and supposedly sleepless, must be the most efficient place to hone observational powers. But those powers are now dulled in me. I find myself preferring the blogs of remote strangers to my own observations of present ones. Gone are the tacit alliances with fellow subway riders, the brief evolution of sympathy with pedestrians. That predictable progress of unspoken affinity is now interrupted by an impulse to either refresh a page or to take a website-worthy photo. I have the nervous hand-tics of a junkie.  For someone whose interest in other people’s private lives was once endless, I sure do ignore them a lot now.

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real story

I was in love, truly, deeply in love….with my ex-boyfriend over 2 years ago…We broke up as it usually happens when you are 18. It was an ugly ending I still loved him..Could not have stayed in Hungary any longer, needed a change.
I quit my job and said goodbye to my family, came to Ireland to start my life all over again. I missed him, I missed him a lot but I have always been a strong women so I knew I cannot give up. I settled down in the heart of Dublin, got an okay job, got friends. Had my life just like before him..Never thought I would fall in love with somebody again (at least not any soon). Once I was spending time on my Facebook. I saw this advertisement about that website called ‘Love struck’, I just said to myself why wouldn’t I try it out??? I registered..never did anything like that before as I never believed in the way like that to find your true love. Of course the website like that started to ask me lots of question, I had to set up a proper profile and I just got so fed up and left in the middle of it.
Few days later I received an email from ‘Love struck’ which said that I should definitely go back and complete my profile as I might lose the chance to meet somebody and that my biological clock is clicking. I was so pissed, my biological clock???? I was 21…so I just went back and finish up my site. Never cared about it after that. I really don’t know how long I didn’t check my page there, I started to go out with the guy (which was the biggest disappointment in my life)…
Once I just thought what not I’ll go and have a look…Found a few guys, left a few message to them. Also found a guy who had written on his profile that he is looking for a beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent but serious girl (which was certainly everything), I remember thinking he must be a funny guy, reading his profile a bit further he just said “if you like what you read send me one email or two or three”…that was a sentence made me write him a message. Although that time I hadn’t had any profile picture and good English he answered me back…I didn’t know what was going on in his mind but we started to talk. We used to change emails two-three times a day, it was like we have been together years and now we are just spending some time apart. We talked about everything, we knew each other more then anybody else. The time went on and we decided it to meet up. Didn’t work. I really don’t know how people do this but after two months talking when I met him I couldn’t introduce myself or anything like that. It was weird and awkward. We didn’t kiss and then I left. On the way home I thought this has been an awful date we will never see each other again. I was disappointed but I didn’t regret any moment we spent by emailing each other. When I got home I had an email waiting for me. An explanation about why he acted so weird and what he really feels about me. We agreed about an other date, next day beside the see. I had not too much hope to be honest that anything can go better, but it did. We had a wonderful time together. We didn’t kiss but it was still the best day.
Days were passed, we had dated for a while until I got extremely drunk and started to send him text messages about what and how I want to do with him. Next day I was terrified that I lost him but no I didn’t. It just made him realize how much he wants the same thing and how much he wants me to be his girlfriend. I spent the night with him, that was the first night we spent together….
A few months later he went to America, it was a business trip. Not too long but enough to makes us finally realize we are in love. When he came home it was the first time we said, we love each other…
It has all been over a year. We are living together now and have an adorable little dog as well. We have arguments of course, and fights several times but I know that I can’t be happier than that.
My life has been totally changed. I left my country, my family, my friends but I found my new home, my new family…
Since I know he is my better half, I cannot imagine my life without him the only thing I can’t wait for is to be his wife and make him happier then ever.

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parut,puting leper

PUTING leper atau inverted adalah suatu keadaan yang bukan saja berlaku di Malaysia tetapi juga di negara lain, malah ia ada dibincangkan beberapa kali dalam ruangan ini sebelumnya.

Ada yang mengalami masalah puting payudara leper. Memandangkan terdapat ruang lekuk, peluh, daki atau kotoran boleh berkumpul dan jangkitan boleh berlaku.

Parut pembedahan sama seperti parut yang lain apabila melakukan pembedahan. Puting leper bukanlah masalah besar lebih-lebih lagi puting leper kongenital (semula jadi sejak lahir), ia lazimnya tidak membahayakan.

Walaupun ia disedari pada usia anda 12 tahun (ketika berlaku tumbesaran payudara sebelum baligh), berkemungkinan anda sememangnya dilahirkan begitu.

Terdapat teknik mudah secara manual untuk membantu ‘mengeluarkan’ puting leper ini. Bagaimanapun, anda harus bersedia kerana ia memerlukan kesungguhan.

Jika ligamen yang menyebabkan ia tertarik ke dalam itu tebal, ia mungkin lambat atau tidak berjaya ditarik keluar, malah mungkin memerlukan pembedahan kecil, itupun jika anda mahukannya.

Teknik manual adalah secara menggunakan dua jari (lazimnya jari telunjuk dan ibu jari) pada sisi bertentangan puting itu di dasar areolar. Kemudian, kedua-dua jari ini dijarakkan secara mengerakkannya ke luar iaitu arah bertentangan.

Ia boleh juga ditambah dengan menggunakan dua jari tangan sebelah lagi satu untuk cuba menarik puting terbabit sementara jari tadi dijarakkan.

Anda mungkin ingin berjumpa doktor untuk demonstrasi teknik ini. Hasilnya, ia mungkin berjaya dikeluarkan sama ada sebahagian atau keseluruhannya, ia mungkin juga tidak berjaya. Apapun, puting leper tidak memberi masalah untuk penyusuan badan.

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================== love stories ==================

The typhoon Ondoy was a big shock to all of us here in metro manila .Flooding every city..,those were the times when it doesn’t matter whether your rich or poor, or celebrity or ordinary person. Everyone is affected so as part of social responsibility every organization and institutions, including our school, make a relief operation. That’s when I met Wilmar. He is the class president of Office Management ( I cant remember if its I-1 or I-2) it is a 1 year course in our school funded by the local govt. If ever they passed the course they may enroll for a 4-year course in our school. It is somewhat a stepping stone.
Anyway, my secretary introduce me to the two presidents of OM, the other is a girl and Wilmar. He is a tall guy, about 5’7ft, have a fair skin, medium built body, but one thing that’s really eye-catching is his eyes, correction, his eye lashes. It is naturally curl, you will think that he purposely curl it but it is really natural. It gave me an impression that he is a gay whose not yet ready to reveal himself..,plus the way he move..,very graceful..,i mean very– i don’t know..(^_^)that’s the first time we met. I ask for his number, but not just him, including the girl for official purposes(i m not attracted to him at that time so don’t think i made the 1st move, hehehe)
After that, because i am a very busy girl whenever i saw him in school i just ask him “how are you, how is your class, anything you want to suggest to do or any plans I’ll try to help” or ” we have an activity you wanna join..” or just anything to be just a friendly, approachable president but i don’t really have a nice, long conversation with him. I have a barkeep but because i m always busy i seldom meet them or just during class. They always tease me that i should be looking for bf because i m too old,,blah blah blah..,that’s why the depression is there..,honestly.,,hehehe
I have this long time crush, or first love, i m freshmen during that time and he is sophomore but since I’m already 4th year, it means he’s not yet around. He already graduated but sometimes he visits the school (not me). We knew each other but we don’t talk, i don’t talk to him, actually i always try to keep away from him because of some incidents (sweet incident..,hehehe).
So christmas came, its vacation. Time for me to relax a bit. Almost every night i imagine of having a bf. Then one time i really have this urge to really experience how to have bf. so i pray to God that i really wanna have someone to love and will love me in return. i gave God my criteria, I want tall, medium built body (i don’t want thin nor fat)nice, don’t have vices, who can get along with my friends (not an antagonist bf whom i usually meet when my friends sometimes introduce to me their bf or other people), i am not asking for a good looking one but at least have a beautiful eyes. I also want him to be tan to match my tan skin (because it awkward to see a guy fairer than the girl)and very mature and responsible (so preferable 4years older than me). That was a sincere prayer that i prayed to God.
Then new year’s eve came. I received a gm from Wilmar asking how’s new year. Since i have load and i don’t have anyone to text i replied. then he asked me if he could taste our food, and said of course just for the sake of conversation. And his reply is a bit weird because he’s asking for my address so that he could drop by. i was surprise..,”is joking, weird,” i thought. I tried to reply but then, i don’t have load. so the romance is to be continued..,hehehe
Then vacation ends, back to school again. after a week he started to text me again. We have a good conversation, actually funny..,and i have a weird feeling whenever we text. i m too open to him. i even told him that he is my official text mate and that i don’t text anyone other than him, that’s when he ask me. Then after 3 days, our conversation became deeper. I used to call him, actually he ask me to call him..hehehe..,at first he called me ate then after that he began to call me in my nickname. yes, he said that he is really interested in me.
Ever since he saw me in that Ondoy relief operation he was amazed. Amazed that i am the president. Such small girl with big responsibility. I told him that he is just enjoying my company that’s why he’s feeling weird. Actually before i thought that we could actually built some sort of romantic relationship but then when he said that there’s someone who love him, and he’s not sure if he loves that someone i was a bit hurt. I just said to myself, “very assuming..,that’s why you always end up broken” and i started to think that’s its only friendship and nothing. And then he said that he thinks he’s in love with me…,come on..,not me..the ugly me..,i just tried to speak my mind up. We had a personal conversation. we went to the mall and have a window shopping. I don’t know if its dating but maybe. That was Saturday night. Then came Sunday morning, texting again. Then he’s acting like he was jealous to my friend whom he though girl. I think that time was the first time i became very playful. I told him that don’t worry she’s a girl and i will introduce him to her. I’m surprised when he said he wanna come to our house that same time. I guess its 10am..,i really don’t know what to say but because of his persistent, i said yes.
Yes, he came to my house.Actually I always wake up late in the morning. I’m still messed up. I haven’t comb my hair, brush my teeth..,as in. But i decided to fetch him with that look so that he would be disappointing. Yes, I want to show him my ugliest side…hehehe..,When we were walking towards our house i don’t really know how to introduce him to my parents. And he said OK, just tell them that i am your suitor, as if he don’t really mean it. oh..,what an insult. So i told him i am not forcing you to be one. But then he said he really is..,although i m very disappointing. We still went to my house. I just told my parents his name and that’s it. I called up my friends to entertain and examine him while i m doing my house chores. We have a discussion and he really is sincere that he liked me..,he said he’s serious. So i told him to finish his relationship, if there is, to the girl he’s saying. Then get back to me after, and i will try and see if he pass my criteria..hehehe. But before that i found out that he’s 4 years younger than me. Shocking!.., that time he’s only 17 years old, and i m 21..,oh men…He said he could lie about his age my friends or to anyone. Just give him a chance that he is worth it..,so sweet..,
He stayed until dinner time to us then me and my friends send him to the deepness stop. He’s really looks sincere that time..,while walking i touch his arms and saying thank you. Actually its a signal that i want him too..,that he have a BIG chance…,( I wont waste this one, maybe he’s the one that God gave me)..,just for a brief moment and i let go. Before he board the jeep he tried to hold my hand but i tried to be a bit conservative, hehehe.
Then Monday came, he asked me if i could wait for him in his work, I’m supposedly going home from the school. He have a part time job in Jollibee that time. I said yes because he really is a persistent one. After he’s work he was shock and so sorry when he saw me standing outside with a disgusted look. Actually i just came from a meeting and i m very disappointing that time because i was scolded. Then he showed me some meal saying he took out his supposedly lunch for me…,ya..,very touching..,
We were heading for home together. I feel very depressed. I wanted to say that i really like him but then i have so many worries. I am the president of our campus and I don’t want anyone to show my soft side. And if they knew that i have a bf they will see my soft side. And of course he’s freshmen so obviously he’s so young for me. Then my time, i m sure that my time will be divided. I’m doing a lot of things, studies,, part-time work, i m an officer..,come on..name it.While were heading towards home I stop. I told him that i really like him but its just there’s so many things that I cant tell him and there’s so many things that confused me.I even asked him for a fling, a not-so-serious relationship. He knew that from my look i m really confused. He hugged and told me that he’s willing to wait for me. I don’t need to rush things.Then i stop and told him that yes, he is now my BF. We hugged..,but then after that i gave him a lot of do’s and donts..,hehehe
We are now a year and 3 months. We’re getting stronger…,and now we almost knew each others personality. I’m so happy for such a nice, good-looking, sweet, funny, and talented bf..,although sometimes he’s too demanding for my time and too talkative,..i still love him for that..,hehehe
BTW, he said that he also prayed to God to have a girl friend whose older than him, very understanding, and cute (he really like small girls, luckily i m short..hehehe)..that’s why he think that his prayers were answered when he found me..,
Thanks for spending time reading this story of mine..,for encouragement to those whose looking for your match. Pray to God, He always answers..,just wait..because I’ve wait for 21 years and see, He gave me the best. So don’t rush OK?God loves us!^_^

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Shahnin FC Juara Futsal 1Belia

baru-baru saya telah pergi ke pasir puteh untuk menyaksikan Kejohanan Futsal 1Belia Malaysia Parlimen Pasir Puteh yang dianjurkan oleh Krispateh,MSD dan PemudaUMNO.pada mulanya saya sedikit terkilan kerana hanya sempat melihat perlawanan akhir sahaja tetapi,setelah menyaksikan perlawanan itu,ternyata,usaha saya untuk pergi kesana berbaloi apabila menyaksikan perlawanan yang sangat sengit di antara Shahnin FC vs Nara FC.dengan ketangkasan corak permainan Shahnin FC dalam aksi kejohanan tersebut,pasukan ini sememangnya layak menjuarai kejohanan ini dengan menewaskan Nara FC 5-0.dalam kejohanan ini,johan membawa pulang wang tunai sebanyak RM600 berserta piala iringan manakala naib johan membawa pulang RM400.walaupun 707 FC dan IQ Bestari FC menyandang tempat ketiga dan keempat,mereka bersama 48 pasukan lagi hanya berputih mata dalam kejohanan ini.Hadir sama dalam majlis penyampaian hadiah ialah Ketua Pemuda UMNO Pasir Puteh ,Aminuddin Mohammad,setiausaha Majlis Sukan-sukan Daerah (MSD),Mohd Khairul Azmariha MohdNor dan Presiden Kelab Sukarelawan Belia Pasir Puteh (Krispateh), DR Ariff Hakimi Zulkifli.

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MAJLIS BELIA FELDA MALAYSIA

      Bagi mengelakan lagi semua belia-belia yang terdapat di malaysia daripada terlibat dengan masalah sosial,satu pertubuhan di peringkat felda telah di tubuhkan yang di beri nama sebagai Majlis Belia Felda Malaysia.Pertubuhan ini ditubuhkan pada 07 Ogos 1991 dan telah didaftar pada 26 Jun 2008.pertubuhan ini di tempatkan di Tingkat 1 Blok B, Anjung Felda, Jalan Maktab 54000 Kuala Lumpur.315 Buah Persatuan Belia Felda telah ditubuhkan di seluruh Malaysia dan sebanyak 103,542 orang belia telah mendaftarkan diri pada pertubuhan ini.yang lebih membukttikan lagi bahawa semua ini bukanlah sekadar hangat-hangat tahik ayam,satu lagu tema telah dicipta oleh Anuar dan telah di nyanyikan oleh hHarun Ahmad yang bertajuk Melakar Inspirasi.

http://www.mbfm.org/

                                                                                                                                                                           

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